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The journey to get where we want to be is often lost in a flurry of pressure to be there already.

Relationships especially are put under enormous pressure in today’s world of technology which is immediate. Human beings are process orientated in that we require a solid foundation from which to build safety, trust and intimacy.

For many intensity has become the norm and it is mistaken for intimacy. Romantic attraction appears to release the same levels, if not higher, of dopamine and oxytocin into the bloodstream as drugs.

Intimacy comes from time spent building a connection, trust is earned, sex is often mistaken for emotional intimacy in both genders, this is confusing as many attempt to connect immediately through sex this often leads to overwhelm sensory and mental among the other human senses all of this leads to feelings of vulnerability and the self preservation strategies of the individual (based on their own personal history) kicks in and reactions can range from withdrawal to increased risk taking.

Ever wondered why after a date of deep connection the object of your affection disappears for a period of time, which incidentally can trigger feelings of insecurity and confusion in the person not withdrawing (you), as the time spent with that emerging “special” someone opened you up to your deepest wants and needs and as a reflection and what can appear to be magic, the one, the most amazing experience etc etc turns out to be an experience of extreme highs and lows throughout the “chase”.

This is an example of intensity…. not intimacy.

If someone is available and ready, truly ready to begin a relationship they will not engage in these behaviours, I know that the enticement appears to be ” if only I do this, be this, compromise this, be less than, be more than, they will respond they will realise how amazing our connection is …largely they won’t, why because they aren’t ready to receive the connection they thought they were ready for…

” The journey to get where we want to be is often lost in a flurry of pressure to be there already”.

The foundation has not been attended to thoroughly.

Painful and true, so what can you do?

Be honest with yourself about what you truly want and what you are truly ready for …. NOW.

If not let it go and do your own inner work to be ready and clear.

What is inner work?

Awareness mostly of past patterns and habits in relationships, just look at your history, what have you attracted in your life? Did it work well for you, probably not if you are re-experiencing it, AGAIN.

You have missed something a subtle cue that your “intuition, body sensations, knowing” alerted you to. Wake up pay attention to these subtleties, side step the past experience do it differently, don’t worry if you don’t know exactly in the detail what this may mean, trust, experiment based on your own inner truth and experience, forget about how you may appear, truth is many are equally confused and going through a similar process, be your own authority & guide in your life, as an adult its the only guidance worth aligning to, forget the collusion with the past models of behaviour, thinking , emotion create change.

” Be the change you wish to see in the world” Mahatma Ghandi.

Inspired by Barcelona, thank you for the insight xx

Author: Vanessa Auditore is the director of Success HQ

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