It’s a common mistake in thinking that lust will lead to love. Whilst it has happened that a fling leads to a commitment that is more the exception than the rule.
Lust is a chemical reaction triggered in the brain and causes a heightened sense of arousal and attraction, this is what is actually meant by the phrase ” we had great chemistry”, it’s a very primal response and it’s purpose is procreation, simply to ensure our species continues, as humans we benefit from a diverse gene pool and one disease could wipe us out.
As unromantic as it sounds, the chemicals primarily responsible are Dopamine along with Endorphins which are our natural feel good chemicals and Pheromones the main ingredient in this “love cocktail”. Pheromones are the scent we give off, animals use this to tell each other apart and determine the right mate.
Praying Mantis, sorry buddy not sure what’s going to help you!
It’s important to understand that this process is largely unconscious and an involuntary response causing passionate attraction, sometimes called love.
These scents determine who we are sexually interested in. While a guy may smell great to you, he might disgust your best friend, this has to do with different responses in your respective immune systems, which is probably ideal that you and your best friend aren’t attracted to the same guy….
The good news is:
The fact that we are more evolved than animals, emotionally and cognitively (that’s the theory anyway! :), due to the use of our Limbic System (feelings) and Cerebrum
(higher cognitive and emotional processes) it is possible to evolve lust and sexual attraction into mature love.
This takes work though to resist primal urges long enough to discover if there is anything deeper from which to build a foundation for a solid relationship that meets higher order needs like love & a sense of belonging. It’s also important that you understand what your personal values, beliefs and moral views are to ensure “best fit” in your choice of partner.
Entering into a relationship where some of these are in question can be a mistake as often whilst opposites can attract over the long term, which is what you mean when you say “relationship” one or both of you will be disappointed as thinking “I will change them, when we are in a relationship, married, have kids etc”, sorry to burst your bubble people this isn’t how change occurs (see my Key points to Behavioural Change blog).
Unless of course you simply wish to “sow seeds” this (mature love) would be undesirable, so ladies and gents if you don’t hear back after a pheromone induced roll in the hay they aren’t interested in commitment and mature love, well with you anyway.
This is what causes “heartbreak” as I said earlier people, it’s a common mistake in thinking that lust will lead to love.
If you want to know more about how you can stop making chemical induced “lust” decisions that lead to heartache and call on your higher cognitive and emotional processes to evolve lust and sexual attraction into mature, committed love, please do call.
Vanessa Auditore is a Human Behaviour and Wellbeing specialist with over 12 years experience drawing on her Personal Training, Life Coaching, Counselling, Mentoring and Teaching career in Private and Corporate arenas as well as Australian Fitness Industry
To find out more contact firstname.lastname@example.org
**Vanessa is conducting LOVE 101 seminar May 20 – 22nd Thank Goodness he’s a Country Boy Singles weekend