I as a therapist, woman, mother, friend, human being feel really angry about what abuse takes away from people. All forms of abuse leave a lasting impact that take years sometimes generations to heal and sadly some never do.
As therapist I am trained to put my emotions aside and attend to the needs of my client and then address mine later via the skills I have as a therapist and or my support network. This topic however I really feel the need to talk openly about as it really does need to be taken out from under the rug and never allowed to be fostered or go unattended in our lives, communities, culture and societies.
Abuse leaves people damaged, wounded with a whole set of beliefs, conditioning and behaviours that are les than ideal, plain unacceptable.
Abuse leads to :
Conditioning about personal value and worth, so that it’s low or non existent , utilitarian relationship exchanges, addictions, failed relationships, unmet potential, financial struggles, mental, emotional and physical disorders and this is just to name a few!
The most challenging is the unconscious conditioning patterns of thought that lead to behaviour that continues to haunt the receiver of abuse so the in turn often become their own abuser causing further pain, harm and suffering that the original wound created when it infested the mind, heart and being of that once innocent hopeful mind.
Minds, hearts and human beings are fragile when exposed to this level of neglect, neglect that has nothing I repeat nothing to do with love, nurturing, care and respect. Abuse survivors develop very strong self preservation mechanisms to shield that once innocent fragile self and the world becomes a very scary place that one must always protect and guard against further attack.
Sounds more like guerrilla warfare or the jungle to me than our average everyday suburban life where this abuse exists everyday, in many ways to a significant amount of people, one is to many and the actual real figures would stagger you, unfortunately many unreported because it’s at the hands of a “loved one” or someone known to the person.
Path to recovery begins by helping the innocent, vulnerable self believe first of all that it is OK to dream and believe once more that something else is possible and it takes significant commitment to rebuild, re frame and reset.
Patience, care love, nurturing are some of the tools required as well as clear boundaries allowing the person to create a sense of safety once more.
A safe haven to thrive.
Mantaining a sense of awareness and willingness to know as well as act can greatly assist to prevent or break cycles of abuse in your life, your family, community.
Unfortunately once damage is done it can’t be erased, it can however be worked through and a new sense of self, potential and possibility created and fostered, everyone takes their own time in recovery and it does take time.
I wan to give voice to the anger I feel about the innocence lost at the hands of another wounded person who is untreated as often the abusers themselves are victims of abuse, a wound that keeps on taking until something is done to change the cycles.
Compassion and forgiveness for one self and eventually the abuser are all key components of healing the wound and trauma. Yet before reaching this junction point in recovery one needs to develop a deep sense of personal conviction, self care and responsibility for the power they now have to choose.
Choose to feel the myriad of painful emotions, recall painful memories that have been inflicted upon them, often many aren’t willing to revisit, it was horrific the first time around and this isn’t a movie. Slow step by step deconstructing the wound and rebuilding a safer inner and therefor outer world is where this story gets better.
Life does throw us curve balls, although in the cause of abuse it’s more like tunnell ball because it just keeps moving through the whole group, we each have “that something” deep inside, call it inner knowing, something spiritual, religious or just plain will I am more interested in that it does exist and developing it rather than naming it I will leave that to you.
Great change, healing and growth comes from this place, I am also blessed along with witnessing the depths of darkness abuse creates to the immense benefits and opportunities when people are willing to search, to know to heal, building a deeply bonded connection to hope once more.
Often being in touch with emotions like anger, outrage, disappointment, sadness gets the wheels turning, yet we must reflect and act, appropriate to the solution, I am not referring to acting out here, although this can be viewed as an awakening to some deeper issues, take a closer look. The idea here is to get those wheels turning in a new direction complete with a recalibrated GPS ( way of thinking, listening to self and being guided).
Like anything new it does take time, a new skill set and support to harness the memories and experiences and make a life that is first of all liveable and then develop it’s capacity into a life where you thrive which is your birthright!
Vanessa Auditore
Human Behaviour & Wellbeing specialist – Counsellor, Bach Sc Psych (current study), Life Coach, Exercise Therapist
